Alpha, you seem to be accepting that your wife 'won't let' you have the kids. They are your kids and you have rights of access. Your W is not able to say you can't see them and take them places (unless there are specific factors why - and she may be concerned about your suicide comment, which was very unwise.)

If you want to see your kids and do LRT, I think a parenting plan would be the way forward. That way, things are specified, and you don't need to be in touch with your W to ask to see them. Just remember, these are BOTH of your kids!s

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus