1) I would be interested in any suggestions for dealing with times when my H. seems to be vague about his whereabouts, or to be out of contact for longer than normal? Or, I should say, techniques for dealing with my concerns about this without expressing them to him! Thanks. I have an appt. with Laurie, but not until she returns from her trip.
2)For those with a depressed spouse - My H. let his medication (for depression) prescription run down to 2 left before he called dr. on Friday. However, H. was going out of town, and did not verify the refill. So, for whatever reason, pre. was not called in and so he has missed a dose today. He will likely then not get the refill until late tomorrow afternoon. I have not said anything about this to H., as I would have in the past. But, I find this very frustrating - as if he is not making his mental health a top priority...I guess I wonder how acciedental it is that he didn't call for the refill in advance since it was his first refill and he cancelled his follow-up appt. with Dr. Is this typical bx.? I just feel like how serious can be about this if he is not willing to take responsibility for his own mental health improvement? He is also drinking nightly. Anyway, I have not expressed any of this to him, I know he must improve his MH on his own and my nagging will not help him. But, I did want to hear from others who had spouses who acted in a similar manner during treatment?
The week-end overall was good. Positives:
- I went out with girl friends Sat. night and had a great time. I had been dreading it, b/c none of them know what is going on and I am tired of "Acting." However, I had such a good time and met some new people that I realized my life would not end if he leaves me..I know this is obvious on an intellectual level..but for me on emotional level it has not been clear.
- I fixed the sump-pump (sp.?_) by myself when the basement flooded Friday night and H. was out of town.
- I ordered some new telsescope equipment and am planning to get back to using me telescope.
- I started work on a forgiveness/loving kindess mediation.
- I did some more reading in my Solo Partners book and worked on the worksheets. This led to some goals for myself to deal with my emotional reactivity, blaming, and pursuing.
1. I will not pursue H. when he distants himself from me (e.g., won't vent my frustration with this, or follow him around asking him "what is wrong?"
If I feel my "old brain bx." coming on I will go running, read, take a bubble bath, call friends, or leave the house.
2. I will not vent my concerns about OW to H. at this point.
- If I need to express negative emotions re; OW I will journal or call friends.
3. I will recognize that H. is different than I in his approach to sharing and dealing with emotional issues and not get into the "blame game" ( as I did above!)
I was able to achieve many of these goals today - I know it is a daily thing...but I was very anxious today and wanted to know how things were with us, how he was, and so so on...but I refrained and left house to run errands.
