Alpha - rollercoasting #3

[alpha99]

Hi twinmom.

I used to comment negatively to my W about her parenting skills. She has mentioned this post S and so of course I haven't said anything to her about it since - I have just held my tongue. Again, you're right that parenting is not just simply educating the kids about certain science facts etc. We do not all have equal skills though, and even though on occasion she really does try to be a good mum, she never bonded well with her own mum at a young age, and has said on many occasions previously that she doesn't know what to do with them in terms of getting them to behave, showing them love and affection etc.

Some of the things I write here are for the purpose of thinking out loud and I do not necessarily say to her what I've written here.

My W loves our children, that is for sure. The things she does that I have not (or at least she does more of) are:

*taking the children to school birthday parties
*taking the children to the cinema
*taking D to ballet class
*baking cakes with them
*buying the sweets/presents
*combing D's hair nicely

That's all I can think of right now. I guess her time alone with them is going to be a chance to show if she can step up to the plate. She said she was cutting her working hours to spend more time with the kids. She has now put them in breakfast club and after school club so they are out of the house more. She does spend huge quantities of time on her phone and at those points the kids might as well be invisible.

I guess my point was that although we both have things to offer our children, my W is seemingly not capable or doesn't want to do some of the things I would do. For that reason our children our missing out if I'm not there to do them at the moment. I know this situation isn't forever as far as not seeing the kids goes, but I hate it right now. Sure, baking cakes is nice etc but she is never going to sit down and do maths with them or look at science books. That's not a criticism of her per se if she can't intellectually handle those things, but I wish right now I was there so that the children were getting those things from me and not missing out.

I have via email in recent weeks complimented W on how she has been strong enough to look after the children whilst we are S. I know that any potential future R would involve me stepping back and easing off from being so dominant over the children, their behaviour, what's best for them, and letting my W have more of a say. I am more than willing to do that. In the end we have to agree as parents what we both feel is best for them.