Alpha - rollercoasting #3

[alpha99]

I read at some point that doing a 180 should be uncomfortable. Well, I can say that not contacting my W is certainly that, particularly as I miss her and.my children so much.

We went out yesterday of course. I wonder if W is still in the affair fog. She seemed preoccupied with her phone an awful lot. I've been reading elsewhere about signs your ex missed you, with one being they might keep any dating from you. Well, I don't know her dating/A situation at the mo (she says she's nit with anyone tho when I asked her a few weeks back if she fancied anyone she pulled a strange face as she answered). She does seem quite content to take certain calls in front of me but others she wants to take privately. Who knows why.

I'm getting on with things best I can. I've been to the gym today, watching sport.on tv now, but it's so hard ti switch off when your family is not with you.

I'm not looking forward to parents evening next week. School knows about S now. Previously I mainly spoke to teacher as I mainly did all the parenting. W ignored the kids last night and was glued to her phone. At parents evening Im not going to have anything to say because I haven't done any school work with children since our S (well, I've read once to D at MIL's). I feel my children are missing an important input from me. I did everything for them. For example, my son could tell you what an astronimcal unit is, how many moons Saturn has, what 13 x 12 is. He was made up about the eclipse yesterday but in recent times when I've asked him something we have previously done he has said he is starting to forget. W is lining up computer consoles, endless magazines and football cards, sweets and treats all the time. I can see the negative effect on the kids already but feel powerless to do much. If I have to take.this so that say 6 months down the line things work out, but should they not I feel so, so bad that I can't at the moment do all the things I used to for both kids. My D is not as advanced as S but she is still my beautiful princess and I've always gone beyond the call of duty to help them. That is probably the most depressing thing of all at the moment, not being there for the kids. I think W is doing what she can for them but her doing her best will fall short of what my best is. That's not a criticism of her really because she can only do what she can, but knowing I could more for them is hard. Yes, in future when the dust settles I'm sure I will have more say in their education, I just feel ad about it now.

I've been reading through other users' threads today. So many seemed hopeless with S saying all the usual horrible things, having As etc, and then somehow they manage to reach the piecing stage. Oh how I would give anything right now for a sign that W was thinking about R and was willing to do.some work for our M. Maybe that day will come but being in limbo is hard. I'm GAL, doing the things I should, generally I'm feeling better despite some lows, but, like most here, I want to keep my family together because I love them all.