Hellish Roller Coaster/2 Steps Forward, One Back?

[kll1017]

Yes, I work with the OW. My SO is in love with her AND she works with me. No PA but SO's emotional attachment has been going on for 18months (or longer as OW was our best friend). I dismissed my worries forever due to trust in our relationship. OW has not done anything wrong except to contact SO early on (they have not seen each other, that I am aware of, since Aug 03) after she knew about the feelings for her. She has said feelings are possibly returned BUT she would not act on them while we are still together. SO never any relief at work or at home. And I still care for her as a friend and respect that she has not outright endangered my relationship on purpose. Though I wish I'd never asked about her feelings.

I worry constantly (we are in a very small town) that we will run into her or they will run into each other (WORSE) when I'm not around and just add gasoline to the flame simmering so strong in SO. We have mutual friends we don't see now, etc. It has just been awful.

Have been DB off and on since last April when I found out, but with increased "detachment" since Feb 18 when I had appt with DB counselor (Dotty). TOO MUCH DRAMA (brought on by me and insecurity...OW very non-emotional type, independent for the most part so I've been regrowing that for a year).

Have to tell you our relationship is severely damaged. We don't ML, we don't know how to just be together anymore. Used to love the weekends and the companionship with SO, but now dread, anxiety, fear we'll be sleeping separate, moodiness. Etc.

I am 41, SO is 38, together 11 yrs, S19, stepson12. 2nd marriage.

And I'm pooped from the emotional work.

Kelly