MLC = my last chance

[123Gwen]

I received the separation papers today. Where I live the terms of the separation survive a divorce so this was extremely difficult to deal with so close after BD. I felt I had no choice with H moving so far away and then discovery of OW. I had not worked in 2 decades and 2 girls who are older but not yet on their own.

In my mind I kept telling myself this is just a separation. Technically it is separation and not divorce but this week I am reminded that my perception is irrelevant. I am irrelevant.

Started officially new job on Monday at permanent assignment. Rec'd separation papers on Tuesday. Email from H on Wednesday saying he is quitting his job and took another in the town where OW lives on Thursday. Signed papers on Friday. Also found out Friday why everyone quits this job.

I am just strung out emotionally. would go into depth about phone conversation with H Thursday night but who knows what's true about that. H says new job is 60% travel. H may try to come here to see the girls. He said he thought I hated him. I ride and said I am incapable of that emotion but I am so angry.

Now that the terms of the financial settlement have been signed I guess Ijust could finally be honest with him and let out the emotion. It was not smart to do that before now. Then again it wasn't very smart now. I basically said that I am an idiot and I'd take you back without saying the words.

I am so tired. Just exhausted really trying to reach a place of acceptance. Just when I think I've gotten there it all blows up again.

Will post again when I have a grip on things. Glad it is time for a new thread. A good metaphor for my life.