Ah ha! Thank you! I knew there was something I was overlooking.
I mean, this is now the second overnight in a row she's spent at OM's place (she called me at 11:30 to see if I would come get her with the car, and I declined, so she just stayed there and didn't bother to take public transportation). And here on the one hand I'm thinking this is ludicrous and intolerable and disrespectful and I should just file for the D and get it over with...
...and on the other hand I'm wondering, should I bother? The only thing she's *really* doing to make my life miserable is ignoring me, basically. If I don't care about not having her love and attention, then I don't need to take action just because her physical absence reminds me that she's emotionally gone. And, if I don't care about her behavior, isn't it more important to use my time to get myself together than to waste it dealing with legal and financial hassles?
And if she's living in the living room, then there can't be a repeat of Thursday morning, because if she gets a late start then she'll have her vicious ranting all to herself (and won't drag me into it). If I fall asleep before she comes home, and don't bother to wake up until after she's gone, then I won't even notice she's [not] there.
So yeah. What am I doing?
For the past two weeks I've been using meetup.com to get myself out and busy, and that has been great, so I'm going to keep an eye on more events that come up. What these do, mainly, are to help me detach, because these events remind me that there is plenty of life out there. So this builds happiness and confidence.
Teaching my acting class is fantastic, because it reminds me that I'm damn good at what I do.
And I am getting a freakin' job. As I've said, that's my tip-top priority. In addition to the writing and research I am doing to pursue postdoctoral positions, I am making it a goal that every day I will actively reach out to someone, somewhere, to make a job inquiry. Really, this, more than anything else I can do for myself personally, is the critical factor in making it foolish to leave me. Our MC told me, privately, that she believes that W, despite her bluster, still recognizes that I'm a good person and a worthy companion-- but the affair fog makes it quite impossible for W to imagine what the future could be like with me. And until I has job, that whole future is nothing but imaginary.
