Onwards and upwards.

[Kramer]

I suppose the only never I should remember is that I told W I'd never give up on her completely even though I will move on without her. I can't have it both ways I guess.

This last part was confusing even for me to read back later? Can't have what both ways?
I think what i meant but communicated badly here, was that in order for me to emotionally move on, I feel like I need to give up on my M, even if not necessarily on my W. Does that make sense?
I accept that the M we had is over, and of course that's heartbreaking but it IS the reality. Does there exist a path to a R together at any point in the future??...maybe, IDK...I hope so.

Your sentiments are very similar to mine. In my case, my wife had the affair and also filed for divorce. I cannot fight the process, so I will respond and protect my interests. Of course, this will anger her because she expects that I will take on all the debt and let her keep everything. She will likely accuse me of being mean and vindictive, but in reality I am just protecting my interests in the divorce that she initiated. I love her and will always hold out hope for a reconciliation, but I will also participate in ending our marriage. I suspect that her pride will prevent reconciliation after we are divorced, but I will still hold ou hope, even as I move forward into uncharted and unwanted territory.