Hi - My H. and I just started piecing back our M.. I am thrilled and feel DBing on my part played a major role. However, I NEED HELP!!! One, we have already had a major backslide...is this normal? Two, any advice on not loosing progress and mind is needed. (I posted on Newcomers a few times before and Infidelity).
Briefly, H. is depressed and on medication, had an emotional and physical affair for 4 months, and was not sure he wanted to stay with m, although we continued to live together. After 6 weeks, H. said he wanted to work things out, had ended all contact with OW and was not going to be in contact with her, and wanted to stay with me and the baby...asked for forgiveness etc. A week later he spent 20 minutes with OW after walking me to my car at work and kissing me good-bye ( we all work together), then lied about it seeing her, the & kin told me he had talked to her, and then basically said he was not sure anymore about what he wanted....
The creepiest part was that I left him at work and he seemed relatively normal and happy and loving, and 3 hours later I came home to an alien. He looked terrible and he was acting scary - like frozen or enraged....(hard to tell which). It was very scary to me - he was like a different man. How can someone have such huge personality changes in 3 hours????
The conversation got heated, I started crying, & then thankfully got a grip on myself (thanks to Buddha Nature tapes I had been listening to suggested by someone here- Sage perhaps) and calmed down & said I had expected some backslides and that he would still have feelings for her. He then calmed down immediately. And we had a good conversation..he then said he was sorry and he had a panic attack when he had feelings for her, and said he had not expected to backslide. Since then he feels we are back on track.
Ok, so is this "normal" - or a bad sign? Honestly, I cannot shake the pit in my stomach...to think we were back on track and moving forward, and then to have this happen and so quickly, I feel a constant sense of anxiety. Nothing seems real to me now..I was almost more "comfortable" when it was clear that he didn't know what he wanted. MY T. says it is clear he is not truly ready to be accountable to this relationship at this point and i can only focus on myself and I cannot believe him when he says he is committed....my head is spinning..has anyone been there?
Any other advice for keep the R going forward? I am reading a book called Soul Partner...good stuff on emotional reactivity (me!)
