Mozza (10) + Links to success stories

[Mozza]

Let's take a break from the flirting/dating/sex discussion. We'll get back to it.
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There's been a couple of fantastic posts today and I'd like to mention them here.

First, there's sandi2 that's killing it as usual on the wayward wife. She writes about not letting the WW back too easily, but what struck me was a paragraph about being firm and detached with the WW.

Let me lump you and any other LBH'S together when I say you need to stop with the antics. They don't work, and you can make matters much worse. Which, considering she's in an A, moved away with the kids, and has the upper hand.......seems questionable, right? It's true, though, you can be your own worst enemy. The LBH can louse things up by trying all kinds of gimmicks to get her back. Ironically, it is when he drops all of that stuff and leaves her alone that works better than anything. Just stop trying to get her back, b/c it is causing you to do bad things.

Use the time you are leaving her alone to turn yourself into an attractive, confident man who doesn't have to beg someone to love him. Grow as person and build a new life. If the two of you get back together some day, you can introduce her to your new friends and interesting activities. Please don't let your eyes just skim over these words. It is said so much here on the board until I wonder if men tune it out. They are looking for something quicker and easier. Drop the rope you have around her, change yourself, and get a life.

After only a few months on these boards, I'm already peeved at the newcomers who break this rule constantly weeks after learning them, even knowing that it harms their sitches. I'm not surprised that sandi2 is getting a little irritated of spending so much time repeating it. Guys: get a grip, your chances depend on it. I'm a major wet noodle (I still cry every day), but I never ever act it out in front of my W. DB or don't, there is no try.

Second, we've got more good news from T0324, who's now in piecing after her H filed for D and had an OW. T0324 had pretty low moments, was very upset, ready to give up, etc. He post builds on what she heard from her H since then to give a look behind the scene. It turns out that she had misinterpreted many things, which is a reminder to avoid mindreading. This paragraph spoke to me because of my sitch.

When I found out about OW I had already gone pretty dark (well to me). Through the course of the months during his OW time - H initiated communication. I hardly did unless it was kid, bill or house related. I was pretty curt and short with him overall. H could never look at me or be in person with me. The couple times we went to dinner (before I knew of OW) he acted very friendly and chatty. Once I found out about OW I didn't mention Her. As much as I wanted to she wasn't worth it. I didn't want them to know they had the satisfaction of my response (hence her 12000 Instagram and FB photos of them with childish quotes)

I do the same with WAW, cutting all communications to a minimum and being rather curt (today it took me 3 words to set up the phone call on D6's birthday). What's interesting is that T0324 ended up meeting her H regularly a few months into the sitch, when things were going sour with the OW, and she gave him an eye full. It all went according to BD: she was detached and he was puzzled, she was consistent and he was eventually convinced, the A played out and the timing was right, etc.
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PMA report | I feel like a brick house that's burned. The fire is almost over, the walls are still up, but it's desolate inside. The crisis is behind me and I've gotten used to my situation, but I don't have my energy and motivation back up, except in certain social settings. I'm numb, a bit sad, but far from panicked as I was months ago. I'm happy about this. It seems like a step towards a better place.

Detachment report | I'm doing good this week. I'm rather detached from WAW. I simply don't want to hear about or from her. I don't care much about OM or any activity she's doing. I'm not really jealous of any of it. I think of some boring or annoying moments with WAW and it doesn't feel so bad that she's not around right now. I try not to wonder if I want her back, under what conditions, etc. I try to think as little as possible about her. My conversations about my sitch are much more about me now. One thing that helps is that I've almost nothing to chew on when it comes to WAW: we have no contacts and I've cut almost every social media. There isn't much I can think of or discuss because I just don't know anything. She's turning into a concept, an idea almost. It's a good thing.

GAL report | I had a great evening Thursday with a close friend. I cooked him a good adult meal (dry aged sirloin, blue cheese, Brussels sprouts - mmmm), we drank and then we went out to a bar with a ping pong table. Really fun. He's the friend with the same issue as me, but with work rather than women (perception of scarcity). We talked about it. Wednesday, I played badminton. I continue my 7-minute workout but strangely I skipped many days this week, while I had been very consistent for 5 months. During the day, my work productivity is next to nil. Sometimes, I wish I had a 9 to 5 job with colleagues to force me to get things done.

Flirting report | No action to report, only reading. "Models" by Mark Manson is more educating that I had anticipated. It's about attracting new women, but it's full of fantastic insights on attraction between WAW and LBH. In fact, I plan to quote some paragraphs here and I'll soon start referring the book to LBH who don't seem to get why being needy with their WAW is repulsive. I think it can be as useful as NMMNG.