I am normally a really strong person that doesn't put up with BS (which is why my boss thinks I should apply for this new management position lol) but after BD I came off as an emotionally weak person so my threads are really difficult for me to read to see the place I was in. I know others advised me at times that my words to H weren't always the best. But I did have a lot of anger so curt was about as nice as I could muster. Trust me - I had many backslides, many moments I wish I could take back and lots of words said that probably shouldn't have.
So when things turned around I'm Not sure if it's because my demeanor changed and because my H, who had been avoiding me, had to start seeing me in person regularly (prior to basketball we saw each other maybe a handful of times in 3 months). Or if the change was his A feelings ended. He told me the reason things ended was bc he started doubting himself and turning into the way he was to me to OW. He said she told him she had enough of him being negative and withdrawn and wanted a break. He said it took them taking a break to realize what he had been doing. Again - his words, who knows what the real truth is.
I actually can picture my H being depressed and negative, what 19 year old wants that around plus divorce baggage. He also got 'in trouble' over summer by her when he stayed at my house for awhile and we had a long R talk and he admitted he was unhappy in his life, Etc. So I took the advice of train and tried to be the OW of OW. I was light and breezy. He messaged me over a weekend about moving and getting new furniture (I have always taken care of everything) and I said oh that sounds like fun. He replied that it wasn't and he was miserable and stressed. I just replied that I'm sure he would figure it out.
Anyway, point being - they notice when you really detach. At least my H did and combine that with his A going sour = quick wake up call.
As far as piecing. He was ready but I wasnt. I wasn't ready to accept what he was giving me. I thought I was but I really wasn't and I was pushing him away more. Don't get me wrong he had his mistakes too but I was still resentful about what happened and too much so to be ready to work on our M. It took going back to MC in January (when I really thought we were heading toward D) to see what happened.
We are both in a much Better place. Are we out of the woods? No but we are heading there. The D is off the table and we are both happy.
I hope everyone gets their own happy ending. Some of those endings are seeing that you can be better off without your spouse too.
