I would want to know, but I guess everyone is different. Perhaps I am way off base. Others, please chime in. but here are some reasons I thought of:
1) If she is in an A, you are going to find out eventually. Wouldn't you rather find out in a controlled fashion, on your terms? Better the devil you do know, as they say. This could have future ramification on your DB efforts.
2) An A is marker of irresponsible behavior. If she is behaving in an irresponsible fashion, are you comfortable with her being the sole caregiver for your children right now? Are you comfortable with how she is spending money? Is she bringing the OM in to the house? Do you wonder why she wants fixed visitation days? I am not trying to make you paranoid (although I may be doing just that - sorry), but these are questions I would have. I never suspected my wife until the affair was disclosed. She has become a totally different person. I have no idea what she is capable of.
How would she find out what you did? Does she already have a reason to mistrust you? If she is having an A, then you needn't worry about her trust in you being destroyed. She has already committed a huge betrayal that will dwarf anything you do.
No need to rush into it. Feel free to seek other opinions on the matter. If you do find out, though, do not tell her until you have had a chance to vent with us and come up with a strategy.
