It helps Toots, and it is exactly what I need to prepare myself to do.
I just got these messages from H:
"Or maybe, if they want, I could take S17/S14 to the mountains Saturday & we could get together sometime on Sunday?"
then
"I just checked the weather & probably Sunday is a better day to ski/snowboard, if they want to go. Please, let me know what you think. Thanks"
First, I do not need to think, we are talking about big teenagers and they can think for themselves. Second, H is so predictable now... can we get together Saturday? or sunday? then sunday is a better day for skiing.
Really? So maybe we get together Saturday, he gets a very nice home made meal and then he stays in a house so he is there by 5am. WTH?
I know someone will say that I am reading minds, whatever, but he does not change, it's always the same. And I know very well it should not get me so worked out and angry, but he is so shameless.
I need to think before answering him. That's what he does, since I am dark, then he text a million times, try to be nice to me and to the kids. I am starting hating him.
I will go home now and drink a good coffee. Need some.
Thanks ladies, I will calm down and then answer H with polite words. I will do what it takes to make the best D for myself.
I always used to call H names to myself - it made me feel better lol
Use the 24-48 hour rule if it's not an emergency. It drove my H nuts and that's not why I did it. I didn't want to answer out of emotion or do something I would regret (which happened often). This best part about all of this is you get to decide - so take control and do what Pink would want
When thinking of Fins, think of numbers. And only the numbers, I had a boss who told me that the one that volunteered to write up the minutes of the meeting had the real power at the meeting.
He was right.
Control the numbers, take charge of the Fins. Your figures or his?
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
It really helps all the support and the ideas of how to manage my situation with H. I am almost getting used to this scenario.
I keep it to myself, do not answer to his claims of being a victim and then he text me a thousand times, always trying some excuse to disrupt my life.
Amazing as it is, RD helped me big time. That little innocent play of meeting him one day made me think that life can be better. I am not dead, I do not have a bad sickness, my kids are with me, I will probably keep the house and I am alive, thinking that I can love again and that I have been learning a lot about how to be a better partner and have a healthier R then the one a had before.
Life is short and in my age is not the best thing to wast time and energy on someone that don't do anything else besides hurt you and your family.
RD shows value and respect for his family. Deals with the every day ordeals and stick to it. It makes me think that there are good people out there.
RD has is humble to admit he made mistakes, but has the courage to say he wants to change and work hard on making things better. He does not quit, he works. So, it helps to have hope that there may be more RDs in this world and it is not worth to wast my time and energy in someone that just wants to hurt me.
So, thanks RD, you were a good inspiration for a better tomorrow and gave me the support I need to keep it together today.
I did not answer to all the messages I got today. Like TO said, I took the time to think and decided to meet with H on saturday afternoon, go over the finances and be all business. And like V said, think only about the numbers. My L said that it helps my case to be polite, helpful and have H in my side, it even help more if he is feeling guilty and has his attention on the OW for now.
So be it, I will gather all my strength and face this meeting with grace. I own this to my children and myself. I am very upset with my H. I understand he may be an MLCer, but all what he made the kids and I to go through is really painful. I want distance, a lot of distance from him. Maybe one day things will change and we can be friends, but now I just want to be far from him and stop the craziness cycle.
So, after some messages that H was worry because I did not answer him right away. I texted that I can meet him Saturday by 3 or 4pm - he texted back that it is OK for him.
Sounds good Pink - remember, this is business. Maybe make some plans for yourself Saturday night, so H knows 'we are just doing some business and then I have to leave.'
Stay strong and calm lovely Pink....
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I will try my best. I know about all this travel stuff, but I can't mention it to H or he may change the password to his work page.
Need to be neutral, like you said, just business. What for us it was always a hard thing. We always end up in hugs, kisses and sometimes even further. This may be a 180s for me. Casual, and then with no much interest.
I need to find a way to act as if. As if we are D already. Now, if H start the "I love you talk" I want to say to him that it is not appropriate any more to say these kind of words to me.
I don't even know how to say it, beside just saying that it is not good for me, or that I don't want to hear it anymore. I don't know, but I need to find the way he stop this BS.
It hurts to hear someone always say "I love you", I will always love you and no one will ever be as important as you are for me, I cry most nights because I miss you, I was not a good H for you, you are amazing, you are the best.
Sure, he needs to add to this... And I don't want you anymore in my life.
So, had enough, will find the way to stop the nightmare.
I also think that after this financial stuff resolved, there will be a more peaceful time because we won't need to interact as much anymore.
Love your support, my life is better because of all of you are in it. XOXO Pink
I know it's hard Pink. Problem is, he's saying all this stuff to you at 4pm, then going off to talk sweet nothings with OW at 6pm. Giving in to his sweet talk just keeps you locked in the whole horrible situation - as plan B..
Be strong, calm and pleasant....but don't fall for the sweet talk!
(((PINK)))
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Was doing my finances and watching a movie "Crazy kind of Love". The plot is about a woman who's H left for his A, she has two boys. They all get lost, depressed. One of the boys get a GF and she introduce some happiness and some trouble too. A handsome gardener start flirting with the LBS and they start some friendship that becomes a nice R. At the end, they are all dealing with their lives and they start feeling happy again. The nice thing was when the H comes back and says the made a mistake and wants a chance to reunite with them.
She looks at him, gives him his lucky rabbit foot and tell him he will be OK, she leaves the room.
It was so powerful after all what she went through. Really inspiring. Just a cheap movie, but very powerful message.
