As for "throwing H under the bus" - what about WASs throwing the LBS "under the bus" by claiming it's a mutual decision to divorce? That just leaves the LBS as an equal target of the kids' anger - unfairly so. I think you can be politic about how you say it, but I think basically it is reasonable to be clear who is the party that wants the divorce and who is the party that doesn't.
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I want my kids to learn how to face adversity and rise above it!
Hear hear! The best thing you can do is model a good example of resilience for your kids. If you are devastated and depressed, they will be even more afraid of what is happening. If you can pull yourself together and demonstrate positive change and resilience, they will be more positive. My adult children (who were teens/early 20's when my H left) tell me now that they admire the way I picked up the pieces and went on. They're proud of their rockin' mom who learned to play the drums and now plays in a band!
AS for leaving for a week with your eldest - not to be paranoid, but I would first copy any and all important financial papers (tax returns etc.). Put your copies in a safe place. Put any personal valuables like jewelry in a safe place. Move half of any savings accounts to a separate bank account in your name. (You may want to get legal advice on this). Maybe take the other kids' passports with you if you have any fears of him abducting the kids.
Basically, protect yourself against any retaliatory action on the part of your H.
Then just stick to the high road. Tell him you understand he feels he needs this divorce and this move. Tell him you're not going to stand in the way, although you wish he would work to repair the marriage instead. Tell him you will not badmouth him to the kids and you will do what you can to help maintain his relationship with them.
And, dress up really HOT when you are going to the airport for this trip lolol. Let him wonder who you might meet while you're gone. They seem to think we'll always be there waiting for them as "Plan B", sometimes being hit with reality can wake them up.
