Look, I am struggling with so many things. My H is a good man or I wouldn't have married him. There were plenty of times in the last two months he tried really hard to be there for me. I am experiencing a lot of heart break at the moment over the what-could-have-been and happy memories.
I know what I did is right. I know that there was an opportunity today, once maybe more. He got the mail, and I asked him when he was leaving, but he was frantically trying to open up an amazon package. I repeated in three times and he wouldn't answer and then handed me the book he'd picked up for me and asked, do you remember you wanted this?
I know that I could have told him, Yes, H, I DO want you here, but you need to blah blah blah...
My family says I haven't seen the last of him. I don't know. Other than when we were dating, he never made moves toward me, I always was Ms. Fix it. I might consider things if he finds the strength to bend over backwards and fix it this time. I don't know.
It still irks me that he tells me he called my cousin and apologized to her for breaking the bowl he made, but hasn't apologized to me for any of this. He did tell me he would pay for the cost of my phone that he broke. But that's not an apology. Wiping his eyes as we walked around talking about how to divide up the house wasn't remorse; it was sadness over the current situation or perhaps self-pity, but not regret for his actions. I did feel sorry for him, but I am happier I am standing my ground on this.
It hurts though, god it hurts.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
