You know even as I typed it out - I knew there was no explaining it.
I think one of my remaining fears is the narrative that STBX seems to be creating that, yes he did something wrong, but he's being a martyr now by deferring to me on everything. I asked him if he wanted D3 for a night this week (he wasn't going to get her because his mother was visiting and staying with me, but then something with the schedule changed and it became possible) and he texted "Up to you...doesn't matter to me". Yet, I know he says things to the kids like "poor daddy doesn't get to see you very often". Poor him.
I know I have some say in this and I probably just need to keep responding that it isn't all up to me and that it is his choice. This is how our marriage was - the constant expectation that I would make all decisions, no matter how I tried to engage him. And this, along with the completely unnecessary lies about the phone, and the general withdrawal just makes the future as co-parents seem very bleak.
I love my Ds so much and I just struggle with choosing the right decisions to make this better for them.
