And, unsurprisingly, exactly what I predicted happened.. because of yesterday morning's altercation, she "punished" me by staying overnight at OM's place. I noticed this morning that she had already been planning to do that when she left yesterday, because she took her glasses with her (she needs to take out her contacts each night).
My response has been to put sheets and pillows on the living-room futon and move enough of her stuff into the living room that it will be clear that that is now where she's sleeping. When she does stay here. If she does stay here. And her absence doesn't seem to bother me so much right now. At least, not in the same way. I actually feel more relaxed and happy when I don't have to confront her in the morning. It's bothersome just because this situation is still distracting from my job hunt with intrusive ruminative thoughts, with the difference that now instead of ruminating about how I might restore the marriage with some kind of Hail Mary maneuver I'm ruminating about how I can just get it over with.
I don't think it will be saved. I think it will be over. Because I know myself, and I believe what I've read (online and offline and on this board). If what I've read is true, she will not come out of her A until she recognizes the losses she has created for herself. If the statistics are correct, she has an 80% chance of regretting her decision, and her relationship with OM has a 3-7% chance of success with a 75% chance of divorce after that-- especially because I've learned a hell of a lot from this experience and she has learned nothing. If my math is correct, she is wiping out all her financial gains from the past six years, and it will take her at least another 8 years to restore her assets to the same level-- and that's provided she lives just as frugally as we have been for our years together, which of course she will not do (if only for now having the "freedom" to buy whatever she wants). She won't notice this right away, because she'll have some money in the bank. In fact, she may treat that money like a windfall, and blow it. But if she doesn't blow it, then gradually, as that stash stubbornly and persistently dwindles, she'll be forced to start seeing it.
But none of this will happen unless we actually D and go. And by the time she figures it out I'll be long gone. I don't get sentimental about past relationships, and there's too much that's negative about taking her back to let it be made worse by what more she will do with OM when she's finally single. If she were to turn around before the D goes through, then I would be willing to take her back (with the requirement of doing the work that Sandi so wonderfully illustrated in her thread). But the moment the D happens and she moves out, I'll be done with her.
