Doing the limbo thing (thread #8)

[shodan]

After my talk yesterday with my W, she came home last night and whispered in my ear "I am sorry about earlier" (I was doing stuff with my kids). I said OK and but did not react. She continued to be nice to me the rest of the night and even tried to lay on me in bed (I flipped over).

In the morning, I told her that what she had said the previous day was correct. We both need to be happy. If she is not happy, then she needs to move on. She just kept saying that she does not know and is waiting for the feelings to come back, for her to "want" to work on the M. I told her that as someone who has read several books on the subject and read many stories from people exactly in her spot, she has the process backwards. The feelings will not come back until the work starts.

I liken our situation to a very overweight person who let himself go over time. 5 lbs here, 5 lbs there over the years. Before he knew it, he was severely overweight, eating poorly, had high blood pressure and cholesterol and in general was very unhealthy and headed for a heart attack or stroke. This person logically knows that he wants to lose weight and be healthy. But emotionally, it is a lot easier to sit around, eat, drink and not workout. But the logic needs to prevail, no matter how hard the work (exercise) is. So this person gets a trainer (a MC or IC), reads book on the subject, spends money on exercise classes, cuts out bad habits, starts bringing food to work, etc. He does not like eating raw vegetables and fish. He does not like running...in fact, he hates it. He does not want to do this. But, he knows that if he wants to save himself, he needs to do it. He needs to do the hard work. And it starts with committing to it. He cannot commit to it after he has lost the weight because it will not work. And at times does it feel hopeless. Does he feel that he will never lose weight. It is so bloody hard. But he stays true to his commitment. And over time, he loses weight, he feels better and he becomes healthier.

That is how I view my M. Logic needs to precede emotions. My W has it backwards.