When I woke up this morning I immediately asked God to fill me with lots of peace and love today, and I instantly felt an overwhelming amount of peace surge through my body. I also immediately felt a huge amount of gratitude for this day... Had we not gone out on that "date" 10 years ago then I wouldn't have everything that I now have in my life -- 3 amazing kids, 9.5 very happy years with someone who I still love deeply and who made me feel very loved for all of those years, and a large family filled with people who love all of us so much and who continue to keep prayers around my W as well as around all of us.
As much I this sitch hurts, I can also express some gratitude for it being a catalyst for an enormous amount of growth (spiritual, emotional, mental) and maturity that I never expected but that I now know is essential for me to move forward in my life.
Not sending the following message to her -- so no need to panic and tell me not to... this is just for my benefit...
To my W:
Sweetheart,
You may never realize how much you have brought into my life, and right now you may only be able to see the negative... But trust me when I say that I never regret meeting up with you for that date and making all of the decisions that followed to build a life and family with you. I will take all of the pain and never have any regrets because all of the good we have had over the past 10 years (even if right now you can't remember any of it) far outweighs all of the bad that has occurred over the past several months.
I do wish we were anticipating a fun romantic dinner to celebrate our anniversary tonight, but that is not meant to be for us right now. I won't tell you Happy Anniversary today or buy you a card or a dozen roses. Today will go by unacknowledged by us -- and for now I will just be happy that things are at least more peaceful in the house between us despite the fact that we are still moving forward towards separation and that you and OW are planning a future together. But in my heart I know what today is and what it means for me. In my heart I still believe in "us" even if you don't right now.
All my love, --
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
