My wife asked me if I could name fix days of the week for the time with the children. Her argument is that S10 could handle it better this way. Although I do my best, it is difficult not to start thinking about her motives. I'd rather see the children whenever possible and not on fix days. It makes me angry and sad, because this mess would have been avoidable.
I would forget about her motives entirely. I know it is easier said than done, but you will never ever know her true motives (WAW irrationality), so don't waste time thinking about it. I also know that all this complication was introduced into your life, her life, and the children's lives by her own selfish actions. Deep down, your W probably knows it, too. It is too painful for her to think about right now. I am going through something similar - vis a vis a family get-together for Passover: Either we go to my sisters without W and my kids are deprived of their mother, or we stay home as a family, and my kids are deprived of their aunt and cousins. My W is so torn and cannot decide what to do. It is sickening that she brought this upon her family and now is agonizing how to make things good for the children - without even thinking about changing herself or ending the A. So, koalada, I totally get it. Our job is to rise above it and do what is best for the children. If having a more fixed schedule would make thinks more stable for the children, then it may be worth it. You can ask more details from her: how would having a more fixed schedule be better for S10? How is he handling it currently? why the change?
Originally Posted By: koalada
W sends emails, complaining about small stuff. I should use a specific color if I write in the calendar and tell her when I use the calendar. Although I thought I would be fine, my emotions are quiet sore right now. Did you experience nagging about small stuff? I know that I should not be dependable on her moods but that is easier said than done. To apply all the knowledge in real life seems to take a lot of time and patience.
What is this calendar for? Why do you need to write in her calendar.
Is she still in contact with OM? Has your moving out enabled her to actualize her fantasy? I still cannot tell from your posts whether her OM is real or imagined.
