Card29 XI - Journey

[Card29]

A very deep conversation yesterday with WAW. So I'm picking up D2 from school when WAW texts me picture of a tattoo. A script word on the side of a girl, across the rib cage under her left arm. I immediately thought it was WAW, but couldn't believe it. You couldn't see her face, she's lost 40 pounds since when we were together, and I haven't seen her with her shirt off in quite a while (don't worry, she was decent in the picture, I just mean I haven't seen her tummy in a while). I denied that it was her because she is the last person of anyone I've ever met that I would expect to get a tattoo. But it was her.

So I google the word (it was not in english) and it's the French word for "love". My first thoughts (which I didn't share) were, "You really think this is a good time for you to get a tattoo, in this crisis?" and "Wow, the French word for love seems a little inappropriate considering you started your A in Paris." Then she texted me a picture of her right side, and she also has the French word for "light".

I just texted, "??? Wow"

But then she told me about how bad it really got with her depression in the summer/fall. Apparently she made a feeble attempt at suicide at one point. It killed me to hear that. I had always feared it. And there were a couple of days where she didn't answer a text for like 48 hrs and I wondered if she was laying in her bed, OD'd on something. Since then, I'd presumed my fears were unreasonable, but apparently not.

She told me that a couple of the nights that she texted with me for a long time in the fall, until like 2 or 3 in the morning, she did it because she didn't know where else to turn those nights. I had no idea - I was just making her laugh with quotes from Parks & Rec, The Office, Jim Gaffigan, etc. This goes to show you why mindreading is a pointless exercise - I was trying to read those conversations for signs that she might be reconsidering our M, and in reality she was trying to avoid killing herself.

She said she got the tattoos, which she's thought about for a few months, because she decided she doesn't want to consider suicide an option ever again, and these are reminders for her. I of course was extremely supportive once I heard all of this. I told her I'm happy I helped, and that regardless of what happens with either of us, I'll always be there if she needs an ear. And I said, "Glad you're deciding to stick around "

Then I started making her laugh. First by complimenting her bra, which is visible in the pictures, and remarking that I find it funny that it's inappropriate for me to make that comment now that she's in another relationship. She said, "you're making me laugh, stop! my sides are really sore". I proceeded to text her her favorite sitcom quotes that almost always make her laugh.