Coming Home

[mleigh4]

I am a huge reggae fan, or is it called ska? I love the song Coming Home by Stick Figure. Every time I hear it, I think of H and I. I got lost myself, I know the feeling, but I made my way back. Whether H does or not remains to be seen....

Not a whole lot has happened, which is a good thing I figure! Work has been super busy, which I thrive on.

H had S on Monday night. I did some clothes shopping for myself. I also picked up some pants, underwear and socks for S to keep at H's place. H had mentioned he needed it. I did not do that for H, did it for S. A friend also came by to pick up an outside heat lamp that is being borrowed by my girlfriend this weekend for her birthday party. He is an old friend, with Romantic history, we have known each other for over 25 years. He has hinted at the friends with benefits thing, but no, not going there. Keeping my side of the street clean! Anyway, he asked about H and I, and I told him that I am doing good and he cut me off and said, why don't you guys just admit that it's over and move on? I asked, have you talked to H? He said no. I said, and I haven't talked to you in a while, so you don't know what our day to day interactions are, so making a statement like that is pretty out of line. He assured me he is just worried about me, so I assured him that I am doing really well. I told him I keep busy, I am in my home, I am happy! I said I am just living life and live each day doing what feels right to me. He seemed to get it, but I was surprised how defensive I got, but proud of how I handled it, with no bad words about H. And every word that came out of my mouth was true, I really am feeling good.

Had a little confusion with H about whether he was taking S last night or tonight. We had never resolved that, and he got a little snippy with me via text last night. But I was able to shake it off pretty quickly.

H has S and dog tonight. He was stuck in traffic, so I offered to pick up S from school and take him to his place. H was grateful. Again, not for H, for S. He is used to being picked up by 5:15. H wasn't going to be there until about 5:45. It gave me a chance to spend some time with S before being gone overnight. Ya, I am really hooked on my kid, I feel like a limb is missing when he is not with me. I am working on that, I don't want that to keep me from GAL.

So I am just hanging out with the quiet, watching TV. H called, to help me fix the thermostat over the phone, it was saying it was on a different day of the week, which was messing up the morning heater schedule. I am mind reading, but he could have done that the next time he was here....checking to see if I was home on my free night? Hmmmm, Who knows.

So I have been doing a lot of reflecting this last week. I am watching myself, for more things to work on. I continue to practice my compassion and patience, my kindness, with friends and strangers, and it pays back tenfold with good vibes and feelings. I smile every day when I come home. Home is more special to me than ever before. I cherish my time with S, enjoy every moment and make sure he knows how much he is loved.

And H? I accept, we are exactly where we are supposed to be. To clarify, I hate overall that this is happening to our family. But I feel based on what H is going through, we are doing what we should be doing. It feels right and fills me with a sense of peace and acceptance, for what it is.

Every morning, and I mean every single morning for 18 months, when I wake up, I struggle to clear my mind and remember what is going on in my life. Every morning, I get that stab of reality and dread followed by either a happy surge if we are getting along, or a sad surge if not. I wonder how long that will last?

Spring break is coming up in 2 weeks. I took the time off to be with S. We decided not to go away anywhere since we missed our fur babies so much last time. But we have some day trips planned. I also have some home projects on my mind, looking forward to the time off.

So I keep on, keepin' on.....