Pink, if it helps at all, can you try and put your 'business' hat on when you are dealing with this stuff with H? Like at work when you have something tricky to do and you need to put your best 'business' foot forwards and draw on all of your experience and knowledge.
Maybe you have a colleague or client who drives you nuts, but you have to deal with them constructively because it's work..

And if things stray into personal territory, or your H is tearful, just hand him a tissue, say - Hey, sorry you're feeling upset - and go put the kettle on..

Just another thought on compassion. Have you read the Hearts Blessings info at all? Her description of the stages of MLC has helped me quite a bit...

(((PINK)))

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus