She needs to know that if you're out, you're OUT. If you divorce (and she has now, officially, FIRED you as her husband) you will be of course seeking a new relationship at some point, and no emotionally healthy woman is going to tolerate a boyfriend who's still totally entangled -- emotionally and financially -- with his ex-wife, beyond certain realistic necessities. You should tell her that this isn't what you wanted, but she should understand that when you're done, you're DONE.
Do you have a good attorney yet? When I asked you previously, I think you just said you were getting legal advice on the side, from a friend or something. It's time to retain a bulldog, and protect your interests.
