Doing the limbo thing (thread #8)

[shodan]

Quick update on my sitch...we have had a lot of ups and downs every week. One week things look bleak and my W is distant from me, and then the next week my W is totally engaged, wants to be together, wants to have fun, wants to have sex, etc. To be honest it has been a total drag on me and is killing me emotionally.

I talked to my W about it and just said that we cannot continue to do this. She agreed that she is not being fair to me. She says that right now, her heart is not in it but she does not want to D because of the kids but she also knows that she is not giving me what I need. She says that she wants to "want" to do all of these things, not do them with the hope that the emotions come back. I know she has the process backwards and that actions precede emotions. She wants it the other way.

So after our talk, I said while I believe that we have a lot going for us and many reasons to work on our M, she has to want it as well. If she wants out and thinks she would be happy not being married to me, then she needs to go that route. I cannot and will not stop her.

The ironic part is that where it went wrong (in her words) was that we put our kids first. We stopped focusing on us. So as the male in the R, I see this as fixable. Simply make the changes to make our lives more M focused and focus on being happy. But she does not want to do the work to make it better.

So, I appear to be headed towards a D after all of this work. It really sux. I cannot believe that I am in this sitch. I know that I will be fine on the other end. But I hate breaking up my home and my family. My kids do not deserve this. They do not deserve the be shuttled back and forth between homes. They do not deserve to see their mom or dad 50% of the time. They deserve two parents working on their marriage, showing them what a loving relationship can be. They don't deserve this. They will benefit not one bit from this process. My W and I will benefit because we will find ourselves in better relationships. But from my kids' perspective our M is perfect, fun and loving. They will get nothing but pain from this.