Alpha - rollercoasting #3

[alpha99]

Please don't shut up lol. I appreciate the time and effort that everyone who posts on my threadsmakes, and I take on board all the advice given. I should be clear, I am self employed. I do at home as a transcriber. It doesn't pay well at all really - at best being a part time wage, at worst being pocket money. This mattered little when we were together as I was looking after the kids too. Now I'm not doing that I need to do more career wise. I just feel like I can't work this week. I will have to start again next week or soon enough I will have no money.

W doesn't want to decorate the house anymore as she sees it as taking to long, dragging things out forever. She wants to sell it as it is. I can still see it taking months to sell. It still has a load of our possessions in it, does need a good tidy up, and then has to go on the market and go through the selling process. I won't accept just any offer.

I know what you mean about someone else playing 'mommy'. I have expressed this fear to my W and said that's the worst thing I could imagine, someone else putting my children to bed each night and not being there birthday mornings, Christmas mornings etc if she meets someone else in future. All she said in reply was that it would be awkward for her if I did the same.

Thanks twinmom for your encouragement. I hope that I do 'make it.' If I could choose between winning the lottery jackpot and say in a year's time living with my W and kids and being happy with them, I would give away the money in a heartbeat.