I don't expect contrition per se, she doesn't need to beg my forgiveness; I've mostly forgiven her for the A itself. I take a lot of responsibility for the mistakes I made in our M but blaming me for her current emotional state seems to be all she cares about.
There is a distinction between "begging your forgiveness," and an overall attitude and level of effort that exudes remorse and contrition. And I'm talking about FINAL stage of remorse kind of remorse (from my personal archives):
I do think your wife is in one of the early stages of remorse, but there are several stages. They'll go from "I'm sorry I got caught," to "I'm sorry for ME that I've messed myself up so much," to "I'm sorry for YOU that I hurt you (but I still don't see anything wrong with what I did)," to finally a more self-aware "I'm sorry for what I did because IT WAS THE WRONG THING TO DO, on so many levels. For me, for the pain I caused my husband, for the breaking of my vows, etc."
Again, being painfully honest here, I don't your wife has ever moved past even Stage Two of that.
