I would make this your primary thread here is your first post.
Originally Posted By: Miler
Hi all, I've been on here reading quite a bit for the past 3 days and decided to post. Everyone is so supportive and has great advice. I also have 2 of Michele's books.
My wife and I have been married for 15 years, we have 3 kids ages 14, 12, and 6. We have by no means had a bad marriage, but little things here and there that have eroded trust and building up walls. I have been talking with her for about the last 18 months about both of us seeming distant and not opening up. She has agreed. Late last week, I felt I need to talk with her about it... BOOM! She said she no longer feels that she know who she is, she feels like she doesn't have the ability to be vulnerable around me, and doesn't think it can continue to work. She said she doesn't truly believe people can change, or relationships can change, and she's given 15 years for this one to change and it hasn't.
Instead of giving her space, I continued to try and get her to see the bright side and see if we could work together and change. She said she was taking a stand on this one and she was going to do what it took to get herself back. She was willing to give it a little time and see counseling. I told her we could set a good example to the kids about digging in rolling up their sleeves and fighting for what you want. She said her perspective is that you can also leave a relationship for happiness and get what you want as well. I really worry about the kids.
Last night we started to talk about it again, which ended in another big fight in which she proceed to tell me I had 3 days to show her I could change...and I didn't. Whew...I'm lost. This morning she agree to call of the divorce, have a separation period under the same roof, and see a counselor next Thursday. Man this is hard. I obviously want to talk things out, but she is so hurt, raw, and has her heels dug in, it can only go south. She said her reasoning to go to counseling is so that we can communicate better...don't know if that means towards working on our relationship or just in the fact we will have to co-parent as divorcees.
Here is the list of things she says I do (yes I wrote them down after the fight) 1) always feels like I'm stressed and won't open up 2) Has everyone else living on egg shells 3) Can be controlling when we fight 4) Don't listen well 5) Think of myself first 6) emotionally up and down when we fight
How do I move forward. I intend not to talk with her about the relationship anymore until we see the therapist. What should I do around the house? How should I act? Please help!
I gave you my welcome post there but I agree that you should keep posting here.(there will be more traffic)
