Maybe we need to S for a while. Maybe we need life apart for a while to truly get clarity, for both of us.
She called me from work this morning, full of panic and spew. I did my best to keep things calm, but I never do as well as I intend to. I had to cut off the conversation a couple of times because it was spiraling. She's right back to anger. She's angry at me because I'm not willing to listen to her talk about OM or her worries about dating. It means I'm not there for her, and I'm not taking responsibility for my role in the breakdown of our M. It's why she can't trust me. She isn't willing to be there for me emotionally but thinks I need to drop everything to be there for her anytime she wants.
She talks about being only about herself right now, because she has to be. (Like that's different from any other time). I'm actually OK with that. I'm on fire to improve myself, because it's the key to having a good life and a good relationship, whether it's with her or not. I think she should be that way too.
Here's the latest text exchange. I was encouraging her to get with an IC because it was something she could do to help her feel better. Her reply? "I did do something to make me feel better", meaning get with OM. I hung up at that point. Text conversation follows:
W: No wonder I don't trust you
R: I'm sorry for hanging up on you. We need a time out. The discussion was spiraling out of control and I don't want to do that again.
W: All I know is I am ALONE and have NO ONE!
R: That's why I think you finding an IC is a fantastic idea. Someone who is objective. I love you and want to help you any way I can but I'm pretty limited in what I can do or say.
No reply from W.
The good news is that she's wanting to talk to an IC. I'm behind that 100%.
"(Wife), you are saying that if I'm willing to talk to you about ANYTHING in the world, but not your feelings for another man or about dating other men if our marriage shouldn't work out . . . that I'm not 'being there' for you?"
