Alpha - rollercoasting #3

[alpha99]

I would appreciate if anyone reading this could point me in the direction of a success story stemming from a situation like my own.

here's the facts:

W had affair that preceeded our separation.
W said she hasn't been happy in months (extended into years now).
Looking back, I shouted, said nasty things, treated W badly at times. We had plenty of good times mixed in there and I had no idea we had gotten to this point.
I moved out to give her space, but I didn't give her space. I begged/pleaded/nagged. If I had given her space at this point things may have been resolved quickly.
She couldn't handle the pressure and moved to her parents with our 2 children.
I had threatened to expose her A at her workplace.
I moved back in at home.
W wanted to move back home after falling out with her mum. I said no.
W has found a rented place and is in the process of moving in with our children.
The week prior to this things were starting to look better. W had said she doesn't want to argue, wants to be friendly for the kids etc.
S was ill last week and sent to hospital. I reverted back to begging/pleading etc after frosty reception from W and her dictating when I could see my sick son.
Not seen children now for 4 days. Missing them and W terribly.

Just finding out that someone in a similar situation has gotten through this would help me enormously right now. I read through Jefe's thread and they were very inspirational but he was at home with his kids and had WAW. Also his W seemed to be in contact with him daily from the start. My wife is very stubborn, angry, defensive, suspicious, and determined that she wants a fresh start, a divorce, pretty much full custody of the kids at the moment (although in the future she said that might change), doesn't love me, hasn't been happy in years, doesn't find me attractive anymore, said the sex with OM was 'a different league', says she wishes she had never gotten married, and the other day when I said I was the father of the kids she said, yeah, unfortunately. There are many other horrible things she has said to me recently. I know she is lashing out but they are so hurtful.

I had asked her previously if there was a chance of us ever working things out. To begin with she said I don't know, maybe in the future. A day or two after BD she said I was a good man and that I wasn't all bad, and that we probably would get back together. So many things have happened then (mostly not good) and we seem a mile away from those quite positive things. A few weeks ago she said we were never, never, never getting back together. The last time R was mentioned and I asked her if we might one day work things out, she said 'I don't think so. Too many things have happened. Her little slogans has been 'no love, no trust, no point' and 'you've brought this all on yourself'. She has shown no guilt or remorse about pretty much anything and is acting like she is completely moving on with her life, says she feels a weight has been lifted, won't ever go back to how things were (she stopped short of saying never - this was about a 10 days ago), and is generally living life like she's loving every second. I hate everything about what is going on, what the future holds for our children without me helping to guide their childhood, and so many other things.