Trying to Follow DB & DR

[Detrmnd]

Hi Miman2

I understand exactly what you are going through, we were also in a swingers relationship. The W was happy chatting to other guys but we always played together. Then she started saying she wanted to meet other single guys, I have since discovered it was just one guy. I stalled, said no, she emotionally bullied and blackmailed me but I held firm. Then she arranged a night out with a friend, arranged to meet him and did it anyway. She had been having an EA with him for 3 months before, exactly when the whole single playing/open relationship conversation came up...

I too find it really hard to go to places we had been before or enjoy hobbies we shared. I think that while detaching you don't need to be to hard on yourself. I have tried doing things I used to enjoy that I had stopped doing, and new things that I was afraid to try or thought W wouldn't like. I think this is helping me GAL but honestly it's still hard most days.

I'm glad to see someone here from a similar background. For any other reading this thread, who think that as swingers we brought it all on ourselves allow me to explain. All relationships have boundaries, ours are probably a lot further out than most people on here's, but they are there none the less. The WW's have crossed those boundaries, and the trust and honesty required to be swingers is the same as in any relationship. That boundary crossing totally broke me and caused me to have a breakdown.

May I also suggest Miman2 perhaps seeing a therapist? one who specialises in CBT or other solution orientated therapy? It is helping me to understand myself a lot more and I feel I need it to move forward and become the person I want to be, so in turn it helps me GAL, Detach and perform 180's.

Any time you have a question feel free to ask, though I am still very much learning and started screwing up because I thought I knew better. Have faith in the system and listen to the people here, they really know there stuff and are here to help.