You guys are the best...I am so glad I am back on the board. It makes me stronger every time I read your kind words. I am a better person because of you.
V - thank you for posting Starky's analogy. It really makes so much sense in the world I live in now.
T - I really get what you are saying and deep in my heart I know my H is in a lot of pain, even though he believe that he is having some fun with his adventure.
I spoke with my IC today, told him in detail what happen and he is quite convinced by what I told him that H is an MLC. He told me that the best thing now is to keep some distance from H, he said that if I keep in contact and let H bring his depression and emotional unbalance into my life, it will end up making me sick and very unbalance too.
IC even said that I may be (or the family) his strong pillar, the one he comes back to feel safe, secure and normal. It could sound really nice if H is not sick, but it is really destructive and will not be good for me or the kids.
So, I think your advice is the right one and exactly what I am going to do. I will keep some health distance from H, go dim or dark from now on. I won't go to MC now, H is not ready and it won't work. I will keep the divorce going. My L said it will be a long one since the judge set up next meeting with him for august 30th/15.
I will answer questions about the kids, but limit contact about anything else. And I know it is very hard but I will do my best to move forward with my life. I would like to keep some hope inside my heart, but at this point it's best if I think it is over forever.
I feel really said with all what my H is doing. As much as I ask the kids to respect and understand their dad, they are not stupid and H has been hurting their heart and lives now. Lately I have been explaining to them that their dad is very sick, he is depressed and does not have full consciousness of what he is doing right now.
The kids do not buy much into that. So, we will see how this goes. H made a real mess and is still messing up further. He is missing S14 BDay on the 30th because he will be with OW and also told me he won't have time to spend with the kids on their spring break. It breaks my heart, but I do not have control over any of what H is doing.
Toots...Thanks for helping think with clarity.
RD - you make me smile, I love it. But please, do not disrupt your life now. I promise I will let you know in advance so you can wait at the airport.
You know RD, it is actually very helpful. Just to image how fun it would be to meet someone new, that had the potential to understand me and care deeply for me, it give me chills.
So, in some ways I can grasp what my H has been feeling with his OW. The new and unknown is very attractive, it does not matter if it will work or not, it is just that... exciting.
Let's see where life takes us... my mom told me that when I was three years old, I told her that I would go very, very far away because the world was very big.
