Zelda - I want it all, all right now.

[Zelda09]

I had the three of us in the living room and pretty much laid it out as written in earlier draft. As expected, h tried to split hairs:

"I don't really agree with the facts as you have laid them out. I don't think I tgrew those at you. Did it hit you? Can I get an opinion from roommate on this? Seems like a stretch."

We were sitting in same place it basically happened. Roommate (50 yo man) says, you want to know what I think about violence against women? I think I can use any part of my body to send an object any which way I choose."

H said, ok, I just think that term is a little general. And so it went on. I just held firm to, "H this is violence and it is inexcusable. I will not live like this and I want to know what you intend to do about it."

"Isn't the question what you intend to do about it?"

"I told you I will call the police if it happens again. But I want to know if this is a boundary you will respect and if you're interested in taking responsibility and addressing this for our m. I found a course that meets..."

"I'll take all the responsibility. But I can't just change bc I take a course, this r has never been good on respecting boundaries anyway. "

"So if I am hearing you right, you are not interested in changing or preventing this. Is it agreeable to you that we go our separate ways?"

"I think that's what we have to do."

"Alright. I love you, want you to do well, and I'd like a cooperative divorce. We can meet for lunch and discuss what we want out if it, but in the meantime I would like you to leave. This feels hostile."

"Ok."

And we went back and forth about when. I told him I wasn't comfortable with this happening in his timeline bc it would take forever. He said something about his lack of ability. I offered to call his friends and find him a couch bc I had the ability do that. He declined and said he could manage his own affairs. I took the day off work bc I nonlinger trust him to be home alone, God knows what else he feels entitled to. He just said he would give me an update today about his timeline and plans. I feel safe enough, I don't think he will try anything but more hair splitting and posturing today.

I feel really ok about this. At peace. I do love him, we had some happy times, and he did work on things a bit when he came home. But under all that is a guy who just isn't interested in trying to be here, pulling his weight, or taking responsibility for himself. His parting comment to me yesterday, "I hope those sandwiches were worth it to you." In another time that would have launched me into trying to explain/discuss/get into it, but I just nodded and left the room.