still moving on

[Ahoy]

So H sent nasty text last night in response to legal correspondence. Threatened not to let me move D14 out of state if he didn't get what he wanted -- something in the parenting plan that I had already told him was fine! He has no memory, I swear.

I told him not to confuse my L's correspondence and tone as coming from me, and to not jump to the worst conclusions. I reminded him that I have been kind and accommodating to his requests all along. He calmed down.

I told him I had also been upset by his L's language but hadn't said anything to him. Then some quiet sobbing ensued on my end, triggered by financial discussion of how I had assisted him with getting his good salaried job, supporting him over the years, etc.

He said he cried too sometimes but "We both tried." What? In what way was he "trying"? And how did I not get that memo? I didn't even know anything was wrong. And he didn't give me a chance to "try." Honestly, it made me so mad. It was all I could do not to say "Um, actually you just abandoned me and ran off with a younger woman." No trying happened -- he wouldn't even do real counseling with me. But luckily I STFU and said I had to go take care of something else. He is clinging to his narrative that he and I just drifted apart and couldn't get along (somehow I was unaware of this throughout our marriage?!). I have my narrative, which I know is the truth: He became engaged in an EA with OW, then left me to pursue her. That is the truth, but he will never take ownership because then he will have to confront his guilt in dissolving the family and abandoning me when I needed him most (i.e. brain tumor issues).

The good thing about the conversation is that it reminded me: 1. His memory is no good -- something I've known a long time 2. He is never going to admit to wrongdoing or be honest about the affair's beginning 3. I do not want to be with him ever again. He is a truly disordered individual suffering from narcissism, filled with self-righteousness and entitlement. Have fun with that OW! It's only a matter of time before she will figure it out for herself. I would like to thank her for taking him off my hands.

Now working on dividing retirement/home equity stuff. Hope to clear this last hurdle and move on as soon as possible.