Alpha - rollercoasting #3

[alpha99]

Hi Toots,

The day she dropped the bomb she said we would have them a week each, or half the week each, 50/50. I agreed to this. During the course of the next few weeks there was a lot of ugliness from her side, I made recordings of her lying about me, finally told her I had them, and ever since she has said she doesn't trust me. Funny how her having at least a 4 month long affair seems to slip her mind at this point when talking about trust. I caved in over recordings and deleted them but once or twice since our split have threatened to expose her A or hurt myself. I haven't done either.

In answer to your question I think she feels empowered by her family, her mother in particular, who at the time A was exposed to them pretty much blamed it on me not washing the dishes. MIL has told her she has all the rights in the world, they have a solicitor in the family who is in America giving them advice, and so W feels like she can call all the shots. I have probably been too soft on this front. I know what they're saying is wrong, I could easily equally employ a solicitor who might say everything is rosey for me. They don't see that though, they just see that they've been told W pretty much owns the kids now and do as she pleases, has the right to move in and out of our home as she pleases, and I have to do whatever she says regarding everything. I've felt that if I did mount some legal battle then knowing my W things would turn nasty very quickly and any chance of working things out down the line would be gone forever.

Things had been working out fine last week as I saw the kids every day at MIL's house, took them to and from school most days, and went out with them once or twice. Things were heading in the right direction. The fiasco of my own making as son was ill has led us here now. Because of the stupid things I said my W equates me to those people you hear about on TV who commit suicide and take all their family with them. Of course I was not serious over claims regarding myself, and I would never in a million years hurt me children. I'm sure W deep down knows this. W though, fed in large part by her mother and family, is using this to dictate over when I can see the kids. I can't say I blame her totally but I do feel she is more using this as a means to line things up in her favour rather than deep and genuine concern that I would do something. When A was exposed her parents wouldn't let me speak to W alone cos they had taken their family legal advice and was genuinely concerned I was going to strangle her or hit her over the head with a hammer (their words) despite me not showing any anger, saying I forgave W, and wanting to work things out. Quite ridiculous. I think they've been watching too many US drama series. Skip forward a week or two and I'm running the kids to school, alone with my W in the car at times, going to school assemblies etc. There some seem to be a lack of empathy for the situation. I don't want to play the victim at all but my W has left, took the kids, wants a D, is selling our home etc etc and her parents have said that it's ridiculous that (after 10 years together) I am still upset over things 6 weeks after our split.