I thought everything was okay....(Part 4)

[MCS]

Mozza, TLEE,

I'll try to hit both of your posts. Long, get things off my chest post here.

Yes, I am exhausted and I feel like I've went backwards from detachingthe last week or so. The reason being is twofold. First, we got to the point that she opened up enough for me to see the pain she is in. However conversely, she's accused me of something that is just untrue and says that's why she's in pain. If there was no OM in the picture, I may be willing to listen on why she's saying what she is saying. But even then it would have been a huge stretch. I think her pain is that A didn't work out (her plan A) and also the grass isn't greener of being alone (her plan B) However what she is saying caused her to leave me (not the A) was smack in the middle of her time she was looking at making her 'move' to get out of the M in order to be with him. Problem is he didn't bite.

So what I think happened was She already had made the hotel plans with OM, (while her and I were still together) and according to her, he supposedly didn't show up (still while we were together.) I think at that point W was in desperation mode to get him to commit and used me as the excuse because I think he probably put a stop to taking their A to the next level. Anyway, I think she fabricated this story of why she was 'leaving' me anyway regardless of his intentions in hopes that he would ditch his GF. It was outlandish and not true, so anyone that knows me, she just stopped talking to them. She had tried to use some different reasons on why she left (MCS didn't help around the house, MCS worked late, etc.) but those folks started to tell her those things were normal and she should try and fix them with me. So since those excuses didnt 'take' she isolated herself from all of our friends (these lies were part of the way that our friends put the pieces together of OM and confronted me about it) So without our friends, She surrounded herself with OM friends who believed what she said because they don't know me. So when she told them her lies, they felt bad for her. If you remember back, that guy came up to me when W was moving out and told me the sitch between W and I was very different than he was led to believe. Well, I told W about that incident last week (when I caught her telling me what she tells everyone else) and she freaked out asking why he would say that to me? I said I don't know, I didn't even know who he was, but he gave me his phone number to call if I needed to talk to someone. Yeah, that got her even madder.

So back to the sitch, I think the A kept going after she left because for him it was no change (he wasn't going to commit regardless) and I think W was doing everything possible to keep him hooked while trying to persuade him to leave. Then I blew everything up when I found out. I think he then got scared and even colder feet and at some point cut it off. I know W was still trying to pursue, and she may still be now. Not sure when it dissolved, but I haven't heard anything about him since Dec. timeframe.

So, obviously the A is not progressing, I think he would have moved in already (her house is right around the corner from his) W is in the withdrawal phase, I think. I also found out that W has moved buildings at work, so they no longer work in the Same building. So, recently when I saw how much of a mess she's in, I tried to reach out to help, but she's blamed it all back on the reason that she told him and his friends she left me. I don't know if she's not being honest with herself or is just using this because it's easier than trying to R or even that she doesn't feel like she could come back. IDK.

So, that's why I'm torn and she's probably confused at my intentions. I say to her I care about her, I'll do what she wants, we're worried about her, but then she'll throw accusations and lies my way and I definitely won't validate them because they are lies but worse yet I'll get angry because I do know what her actual intentions were when she left. I think that's why she's cut almost everyone out, because they don't believe her. So she's isolated herself and she seems to be spiraling down because she has no one to turn to. SIL pretty much said that today in her text, she feels W is pushing he away.

That's why I'm confused. I don't know what's good for me, for her, for the kids, for our M. As I see it, I've got three options:

take a break (friends/family suggestion for me)

keep trying to work the careful line of providing compassion when she's truthful and sterness when she's not (my current approach)

just try full compassion even though I don't believe her and also try not to dispute her lies (MC approach)