Mozza (10) + Links to success stories

[Mozza]

Let me say that this is a very useful discussion. You guys give me much food for thought and I hope that it is the same for the readership of this thread. As Tarheel said, sometimes these discussions go one way, and in this case there seems to be a strong leaning against having sex before D, regardless of the circumstances.
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I'm really trying to find the crux of the argument and not to split hair on every sub-argument. Here's another take.

Across cultures, eras and regions, there is a divide between people who believe that the law is the law and people who see wiggle room in it. This is what we have here. For some, as long as there is a piece of paper saying that I'm married, I shall abide by it, my morality and the kind of man that I am are measured by my compliance. The circumstances have no bearing.

I empathize and can sometimes share this view, but I'm of the people who don't see laws as absolute, so under certain circumstances I believe that there is a higher calling than the law. Given my W's behavior, I'm not bound by that piece of paper, which is made to last by a local law. My M was dead the day that WAW committed to OM. What I'm attempting to save (resuscitate?) now is not the piece of paper, it's the relationship.

We're never going to get out of this argument. I even believe it is ingrained in our biology, but that's for another thread.

For some, my willingness to date while married makes me a cheater with low morals. For me, under the circumstances of my sitch, it makes me a man with self-respect and a healthy attitude towards love, sex and relationships. When rejected by a woman (note: not "when cheated on"), I take stock and move on. Should she want me after all, I'd be willing to reconsider too and stop all dating activity. Again, remember that I've been faithful to her for our entire relationship, even when she cheated on me, even when she suggested that I have a pass. If I was just eager to sleep around, I would have done it earlier.

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Wonka, I'll answer your questions quickly, but I fear that it will not really be possible to come to an agreement. Let's just hope that we can come to understand each other's point of view.

1. I answered above on the perceptions of the law.
2. The difference is in the sequence. She broke the contract, I'm no longer bound by it. If you stop paying the gas because the company stopped delivering it, you're not equally guilty as them.
3. My preference is for a woman that is unavailable to me right now. Until she becomes available, I am free to date others.
4. For the kind of man, see above the paragraph on self-respect.
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All others who have contributed, especially PatientMan with his long and thoughtful post, I have not forgotten you. I need to re-read it all and think more. I'm very grateful for your contribution.