Wow, I'm really grateful for everybody coming to contribute to this discussion. I will read and reread these posts several times and maybe tackle them in different responses. For now, I will only try to clarify a few things.
1. It is not because my W cheated on me that I want to date. She cheated on me in 2009 and I turned down her offer to have a "pass" to make up for it. It's because this time she has completely walked away from the M six months ago and is now living with OM. So it's not a revenge, otherwise I would have done it long ago.
2. I don't want my W to know that I'm dating. That's why I don't create online profiles for instance. This is not at all about her reactions, in fact it's some of the most personal stuff that I'm discussing with my IC. It's about deep issues in me regarding how I relate to women. If she learns about it, then it's fine too.
3. In real life, I'm doing next to nothing. I've spoken to like two girls flirtatiously in the last two months and they might not even be aware that I was flirting :P This being said, of course this discussion is about my intentions and it's true that should my flirt turn into a date and turn into sex, I would go all the way. At this rate, it seems years from now...
4. I'm not that horny! Yes, I have some desire and the idea of sex is appealing, but it doesn't keep me up at night. All I'm saying is that I have no shame for my desires and that they are part of my reflection on myself and my sitch.
The more I think about my posts and the responses, the more I think this is about different perceptions of commitment. It's not about revenge, strategy, carnal desires, etc. I need to re-read and think about it a little more. I'll be happy to read more responses if anyone else has a take on dating and sex before D. Thanks a lot.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
