MLC? Let it Be.

[LiveNow]

Huh. Another 2 months passed?? Well, a lot has happened. We did only 1 mediation session, and I just took all the stuff the mediator had written up and finished typing it up myself. Basically ended up splitting up everything 50/50, but I got a chunk of $ in lieu of spousal support. It's not a great deal, considering everything XH put me through, and all the $ he has spent over the past year and a half on OW and her kids. But it's over. I want to move on. I want to start my own life now, and not worry about him all the time anymore.

D was final last week. SO much to do now. Change my name, new bank account, change e-mail address, etc. I'll get through it. In a few months I won't be living in 'our' house anymore -- neither of us will, and it makes me glad he could not afford to buy me out of it so OW could come over and enjoy all the fruits of my labor (we designed it).

So much to process. But, the day after BD, almost 2 years ago now, I began to prepare for this time. I attended 2 DivorceCare sessions, with 2 different groups, many of whom I'm still in touch with now. I GAL'd my butt off, reestablished contact with many friends and family, did a year and a half of weekly counseling sessions...so, here I am. I think I'm actually prepared to go on now without him. It makes me very sad to see him, because he looks bad, sad. But I just can't bring myself to be his 'friend.' I don't know how you all do it. It's just not possible for me. The hurt was just way too deep. He left so abruptly -- one day I had what I thought was a loving H, and the next day I didn't. It is so much better for me to not see him at all. We only communicate by e-mail now. And that's fine with me. Of course, I have my moments, and they are difficult to get through. But they pass. Patience.

So, I turn 52 this Saturday (and Happy Spring everyone!), and I'm taking a cue from someone I know who always throws himself a birthday party! I'm hosting a dinner party for 8 of my closest girlfriends, really to thank them for helping me through this mess. I'm making everything but my cake! Without them, and without this board, I would not be where I am today.

Oh, and I have a (coffee) date tomorrow afternoon! First one. Weird. I think I'll know right away whether I really want to date or not, yet. We'll see.

I continue to read and post occasionally here. So many inspiring stories, so many strong people. Would so love to meet many of you and swap stories. (I know, there are rumblings on Mighty's thread. I'm SO there. Let's DO it!) Hugs and prayers to all on this journey along with me tonight.