hold on! - 8

[u-turn]

Ring back off - separate rooms again. She said that it was too early.

She said that my request really threw her off and she didn't know how to react to that. She still does not want to address this issue, does not want to write a letter. She told me again that in the past she has asked me to do things for her that I have not and she just had to deal with it. (she keeps bringing this up - it's her defense again. I told her that I've changed and that I am not taking the blame for her decisions. She said that she's not blaming me).

She told me that she can not feel what I am feeling and does not know what my pain is like - but she sees it in me every day. She feels like I will never be able to have a day without thinking about the A. She asked if I thought about it all of the time.

I told her I did not think about it all the time and I hope that the times got fewer and fewer.

I told her that I need to know that a line has been drawn with him and it will not be crossed again. I need a positive movement forward.

I asked her what she would want if our roles and situations were reversed. She responded with "do what we have been doing, getting closer." I think that is a cop out answer - I don't really think that's what she would want.

I believe that without professional help, we may be at an impasse. I may not be able to move forward with her without it to help work through all of our issues and have a safe place to talk openly and completely. I may not see the real issues that I caused in our M without it as I am reminded only when she's defending herself. She may not see the problems that she caused by acting this way without professional help.

When I asked her, she said she did mean that she would go, but not sure now and this is pretty typical (I was ready, but now look what you've done, you've ruined it).

She wants me to trust without asking questions. (That isn't working for me). I really feel like I've lost all that I've gained over the past couple of months. I didn't expect that her returning would twist me - I thought I would just feel good about it and all it did was make my suspicions and distrust surface again.

These are all my issues and I don't know how to fix them.