Wife having emotional affair 5

[Mozza]

This is what I don't get. If you hate something why not change it!

Because everything is a compromise. Don't you hate the sound of your alarm clock in the morning? Then why don't you quit your job? Don't you hate being caught in traffic? Then why do you still drive? Because you assess that these things bring you more than they take away.

Many newcomers seem to wonder why WAS don't come back when they face difficulties or when they miss their family. It seems pretty simple: they nevertheless perceive their current situation as better than the M. It doesn't mean that certain things aren't missing or difficult. My WAW is back on anti-depressants, anti-anxiety meds, insomnia, now drinks too much, complains about having no friends, etc. Yet she still says that we will never R. It doesn't puzzle me. It just means that our M seems more hopeless to her than her current situation (with OM). At least I know that if the tide turns, she'll have plenty of reasons to justify her feelings in favor of R. It wasn't like this at first: she seemed to be in paradise for a few weeks after dumping me, which was no good for R (or my self-esteem and PMA).

I find that it's useful for newcomers (like me) to understand the point of view of the WAS, to develop empathy. Sandi2's advice revolves a lot around that. It removes some questions and makes our reactions easier to manage. In this case, instead of being puzzled, we can be understanding that the balance hasn't shifted towards R. We can empathize with their difficulties without applying our filter on them.

I'm glad to see continuous progress in your sitch.