Alpha - rollercoasting #3

[alpha99]

I have just been reading through the thread on 180s and it occurred to me that I am managing to do a pretty big one right now. Ever since our split W has been saying that she needed time and space. I have never really given it to her. Because of the kids I was seeing her every day. I tried different things but in general I don't think what I needed to do had sunk in. Last week I did give her some space, really cut down on initiating contact. Due to the problems of the last few days, even though I miss my children terribly, I am respecting her wishes, waiting for her to calm down, and not really getting in touch at all where possible.

I know this is all part of LRT but it is a pretty big turnaround for me. I did contact her once today as I described before, just because it was over our S's hospital appointment. Other than that though I have stepped right back. It has been hard. There are times when it is easy to dream up a reason to contact her. Our S likes all things space (something encouraged by me). There is a TV show on soon he would like. I was going to contact W to tell her as he would really love it. But I haven't. It will be passed S's bed time anyway when it comes on. If I'm really honest it would have just been a silly excuse to contact her. But I didn't. Although it has taken a really bad episode from a few days ago, I am happy that I am getting a lot better at being able to deal with all of this. There will no doubt be times I struggle in the future, particularly if W files for D or there is a legal struggle over kids (both things I don't want) but at the moment I feel like if I can handle not seeing my absolutely beautiful kids that I love more than anything in the world every day (horrible but I'm doing it) then I can handle anything this life has to throw at me.