During the MC session last night I backed off from my not-a-boundary, indicating that of course she can't be expected to keep track of my schedule. I also took the occasion during the session to mention, not the "Love Languages" book specifically, but my discovery that failing to provide quality time to my partners is what sank every one of my romantic relationships but one. Naturally she must have thought that my mentioning it was some kind of ploy to change her mind-- her body language communicated suspicion and hostility-- but she gamely confirmed that I was not mistaken to think that this has always been her primary frustration and was the key element of our M breakdown.
I can see why she could think it was a ploy to change her mind. IMHO, what you read or learn should be kept to yourself for the time being, b/c it acts similar to you giving her books on M to read. She is immediately defensive. No matter what your intent, it's lost the second she goes into suspicion and hostility.
Why are you two in MC? I know why you want to be in MC, but why is she there?
What do you mean when you said you "backed off from your not-a-boundary"?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
