Your wife REALLY needs to gain a better understanding of the difference between limerence and true, sustaining, mature love. You two are 21 years in, and if she's still looking for the former, she's going to find her feelings towards you forever lacking somehow, and the next "adventure" just around the bend with someone else.
My greatest concern for you is not the current OM, but rather this lack of introspection and emotional maturity in your wife. Because unless she comes to terms with it, you're just going to be staring down the barrel of OM2 and OM3 down the road, I'm afraid.
I'm afraid of that too. The term "emotional maturity" just does not fit with my W. She can sit there and rationally know that he probably lied to her about his marriage, that infidelity is just how he rolls, that he's a user who saw her rocky marriage as an opportunity for his own gratification, and she still says she's struggling to get over him. Her rhetoric is that she's an emotionally driven person, and she can't seem to get her head to overrule her heart.
She knows that I'm a great match for her on paper, but she doesn't "feel" it, and that's what really counts to her. Otherwise she's resigning herself to a lukewarm relationship with me. My eyes are rolling just writing this crap.
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Has MC discussed this with her at all? Even better would be if she'd have a really good IC dig deep with her about it.
I've been generally happy with our MC, but this has been a disappointment for me. She has brought this up but not very forcefully IMHO. My W has shot down the idea of IC numerous times.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
