I did not suffer the empty nest syndrome. My H and I had had someone living in the house with us since the day we were M, so to finally have just the two of us was wonderful. We loved it! It just didn't last very long. Kids just leave home, go multiply and come back with additions.
Since you can presently recognize the difficulty that could be in the future, which is finding something in common apart from the kids and having a R talk.......now is the time to begin changing that direction. Find something you both love doing as a hobby, fun activity, project, volunteering, etc.
I would agree. We actually do have several things in common...film, travel, for example. We've talked about some other things, like scuba certification. She's depressed enough right now that nothing sounds interesting. That'll come later.
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She's not helping herself by worrying about these things in the future, however, it is part of that filtering she has to do. I honestly don't know how you stay as patient as you are with her. It would drive me crazy to hear that same old tune playing over and over.
She has to actually make some effort, herself, in this MR. It's as if she is just there pondering over the same old issues and looking at you to "prove" to her this can work. You must feel like a defense attorney at trial.
Sandi, you continue to amaze me. That's exactly what's happening...same stuff, different day. The songs never change, and I'm sitting there pointing out the good stuff in our R, which the bad habit I'm trying to kick. There's been some times where it was good that the room was dark so she couldn't see my eyes roll. We're a decade from being empty nesters, for pete's sake. I think we'll figure out whether things are repairable between us long before that.
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To her, she probably feels she is doing all she can at the moment. I know that's how I felt. And also, I have to remember we are just hearing your side of it. You are doing good. Just steer away from those R talks.
You're right, you're only hearing my side, but it's the correct side She's got plenty of legitimate complaints about me, too....I haven't always been the husband she needed, for sure. She's not as eager to R talk as she used to be. It feels good to finally start shutting down the R talks when they get "spewy" and to minimize them when they're not. I finally figured out that staying cool and positive (I've been trying to channel Matthew McConaughey) keeps the R talks short and, if not sweet, at least tolerable.
Last edited by Rzrback; 03/18/1506:38 PM.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
You are doing good. Just steer away from those R talks. 
She's got plenty of legitimate complaints about me, too....I haven't always been the husband she needed, for sure. She's not as eager to R talk as she used to be. It feels good to finally start shutting down the R talks when they get "spewy" and to minimize them when they're not. I finally figured out that staying cool and positive (I've been trying to channel Matthew McConaughey) keeps the R talks short and, if not sweet, at least tolerable. 