The problem as I see it is that her idea of success, achieving that mysterious "connection" is so undefinable I don't know if we'll ever really get there. How do I know we're good? Is she going to announce it to me?
Your wife REALLY needs to gain a better understanding of the difference between limerence and true, sustaining, mature love. You two are 21 years in, and if she's still looking for the former, she's going to find her feelings towards you forever lacking somehow, and the next "adventure" just around the bend with someone else.
My greatest concern for you is not the current OM, but rather this lack of introspection and emotional maturity in your wife. Because unless she comes to terms with it, you're just going to be staring down the barrel of OM2 and OM3 down the road, I'm afraid.
Has MC discussed this with her at all? Even better would be if she'd have a really good IC dig deep with her about it.
