I have simple moments where I wonder if xh is happy. It is a tough thought. Not that I don't want him to be... but like this... it's hard. To be able to throw me away like this after 20 years with out so much as a "see ya later" or "Hey, thanks for 20 years" or "Bye".... well.... that's hard. Really hard. Incredibly hard. It tears me up. I just don't comprehend that. At all. So... I just can't focus on it. I am not sure how someone can be happy with their life while doing that. But, if he can be... well that says a lot. And, just keeps me moving... in the other direction.
Being a scientific/nerdy/engineering type, ^^^ was/is very difficult for me to get past, since I want to know the answer, to make sense of it, to understand...
I finally am at that point where 99% of the time I accept that there are questions that won't/can't be answered.... made sense of... that closure is not going to be given.
Sounds like you are getting there... that acceptance point...but it is a bear to get through and to...
Keep going...
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
