You remind me my lovely mom. She had a M with lots of verbal, psychological and mental abuse. My mom spent 35 years beside my dad and there were many, many dark days.
Reading about the cycles makes me understand how things were then. My dad would be very aggressive and saying horrible words to my mom and then all the sudden it would be all nice and calm.
She became very codependent and did not realized it. With age and then retirement things escalate to physical. My mom gave my dad just one chance to put a hand on her.
She went through a tough time but she made it. She got a D and she says she has never been better. My dad passed away years ago but my mom still loves him, to this date.
So, V, I feel for you. You are not just dealing with his violence, you also dealing with your own feelings for this man.
I am sure you are having fun and getting yourself busy to avoid depression and so. I also read you have a few sessions with an IC. Do you have a chance to continue seeing someone to help you during this process and also to clean some wounds from the past abuses?
I saw my mom like an Yo-Yo until she got help. She went to a psychologist, psychiatrist and had the help of meds. The fear was something hard to deal with.
So, make sure you can get some kind of help asap. These feelings are deep, very deep wounds that needs attention or they will always be inside you.
I like tough, that you are getting stronger and standing for yourself. Are there close friends that are helping you through this difficult time or it is just the support groups or the board?
Do you have a plan in place if things escalate? Like a friend you can knock on her door any time of the night?
My prayers are with you. Be careful when you go back to the big house. And always remember that you are a God's creation and no one has a right to diminish you, abuse you in any way or form.
