Alpha - rollercoasting #3

[alpha99]

Hi twinmom, toots,

Thanks for your comments.

Twinmom, I am confused. I understand what you're saying but in my head I saw working on myself and working on my marriage as two separate things. By that I mean of course I have goals to improve myself, for example, a change in career. Now a goal this week in that regard could be updating my CV and applying for a few jobs. However, I had read the goal setting section in MWD's books as being M based.

I don't know if you are the same toots but I'm trying to get my head around using the techniques such as setting goals, validation etc in tandem with where i am now, which is LRT. For example, I'm not initiating contact with W right now but if she calls I might act as if I'm happy or I might validate something she says without agreeing, do a verbal 180 etc. I will have to see her because of children on a regular basis with the hope that by not pursuing but being beighbourly etc these goals are achievable.

Have I got this wrong? Is it one or the other as far as the experimenting, using techniques etc and LRT go?


In fact, as I've slowly written this on my mobile, W has just randomly called. She has bought school photos of the kids. Since we haven't spoken she has bought copies for me and rang to inform me (a good sign that she's initiated contact) of the cost etc, and also to say we can sort out which ones I want and the money when I see her next. That would seem on the surface to be heading in my general goal area and to be a positive thing, i.e. she's done me a favour as I wouldn't have had pics if she didn't order them. She contacted me. Also, she has it mind to.meet at some point to exchange photos/money.

She was still (but slightly less so) frosty on the phone. I acknowledged what she said, was pleasant sounding, and brought talk to a natural end rather than drag the call out. In a real cr@p situation I am pleased with how I'm starting to cope emotionally. I wish my children a long and happy life of course and even though it's feel like my insides are being burnt with acid not seeing them every day, I do realise that we have the rest of our lives to spend together as they get older and nothing is permanent, certainly not the mess I have right now.