Vanilla Fudged 11

[Vanilla]

H is still silent.

Today is my last day off, I left last week (10 days ago) and have danced rested and slept ever since, no work. Yesterday I caught up with emails and today I will bring my own accounts up to date. I have a lot of invoicing to do. Fins are dire, urgently need cash for bills. My head needed time to adjust to this awful latest development with H and my realisation of the level of abuse and my own role in it.

I am very glad I did not take the ADs because that might have been another factor keeping me locked, might have kept me tolerating. It has also helped discussing this with Gg and Z on the board too. Gg is longer away from the abuse and Z's journey is beginning, both are very brave women facing tough stuff. I am still DB though for me.

If the abuse happens again then I will not hesitate to get an injunction, and I am ready to record it.

Since I got back on Monday from Ceroc I have been in my flat, sleeping, reading and posting. Eating good food and no wine. So this morning I opened a bottle of 60 birthday champagne from last year, had scrambled eggs, smoked salmon, sun dried tomatoes, button mushrooms and a small glass of Kir Royale (made with frozen squashed black currants).

I have also celebrated this week by doing the following (which would have i caused a H rant or spew)

1. Dirty dishes into the dishwasher ( instead of washing them first)
2. Leaving the dinner dishes until the next morning ( oh a major crime)
3. Eating fish with bones ( and eyes)
4. Eating meat with bones ( WTF?)
5. Leaving the newspapers to pile up (so I can read them again)
6. Washing my clothes by colour ( wastes water)
7. Having two baths a day ( wastes electricity)
8. Having the lights low in the evening
9. Sitting in my dressing gown until mid morning (waste of a day and lazy)
10. Watching TV programmes H does not approve (most of them with strong women characters)
11. Having a bath and leaving the door open so there is steam (H smokes!)
12. Bought the wrong bacon and will have a sandwich with it!
13. Threw away the A P P L E juice in the cupboard here

My sinning just continues.............

I feel like a nun who has found the communion sherry stash.

Went out and the little red car has a flat tyre, will need to go get new ones. So my last day of freedom. I see a client in Kent tomorrow and Friday back to my office. I can come here Friday night again and go Ceroc here. So Monday night is my first night at the Big House.

V